let it rain

it rained pretty hard today. Well, that's just Houston. But my thoughts...well, I miss my sister. At least she kept me busy and occupied. Before her it was Sam that kept me busy and occupied. Why am I letting him get to me so much? I have NO appetite. Nothing sounds good. I don't want to go out. I'm sick of driving downtown (I did a ton this last week with my sister and then also before with Sam). I'm not ready for school to start. Yes, my classroom looks great. But I have no lesson plans ready. I don't know. I'm not looking forward to teaching again. Yet I know it's what I'm supposed to do. And I took up the extra NASA job...is that too much for me? Pretty much I've been a lazy bum the last two days. I can't even concentrate enough to prepare my lesson for RS tomorrow. Crap. I never procrastinate. I don't know what's wrong with me. I even went to the Temple Thursday. I did a session and sealings (mainly as a child). I just bawled in the celestial room. Why did there have to be so many hispanic temple workers there to remind me of Sam and what we could have had? To remind me how badly I wanted to serve 'his people'...as I loved them so much from the mission. So I didn't exactly feel peace there. I felt confusion. Although I know I love the temple and still felt good about going there, but I really feel that He's leading me in the dark for a bit.